What paradoxes do you experience during the holiday season?  

Whatever holidays you celebrate this December and January, you may face the paradox of looking forward to them, while also dreading them. You may love the excitement of gift giving, but hate shopping for gifts. You may joyfully anticipate spending time with family and friends, but also be reluctant to open yourself up to moments of discomfort all the togetherness might bring you. You may remember with nostalgia loved ones who have died or with whom you no longer associate, while also being struck with fresh grief by their absence. You may feel both grateful and sad at the passing of another year. 

How Do You Deal with the Paradoxes?

There are a variety of coping tools that might help you navigate the yo-yo emotions that sometimes surface this time of the year. One simple one that I want to highlight is being compassionate with yourself. Another is expressing goodwill towards yourself and others. These two tools can aid your mind in just accepting the reality of the paradoxes rather than judging yourself, others harshly because you can’t fix or change them or control the situations in which they occur. 

Self-compassion as being kind and understanding with yourself, even when confronted with personal failings, suffering and pain. It is a powerful gift to give ourselves … no different than the kindness we give to good friends. It is essential in caring for ourselves, in times of ease but especially in difficult times, and affirming of our inner worth. Go to these two blogs for more on self-compassion (click here) and compassionate noticing (click here).

To express goodwill, it can be helpful to practice metta (loving-kindness) meditation. Here are a few loving-kindness phrases you could say to yourself to offer heartfelt support to yourself and others during the holidays. 

-May I find glimmers of goodness in each situation I am in, even in difficult times.

-May you find glimmers of goodness in each situation you are in, even in difficult times.

-May I be at ease.

-May you be at ease.

-May I experience joy.

-May you experience joy.

-May I accept my feelings as they are.

-May you accept your feelings as they are.

-May I be kind to myself.

-May you be kind to yourself.

-May I be touched by the beauty in and around me.

-May you be touched by the beauty in and around you.

-May I end this year with gratitude for what was, what is and what will be.

-May you end this year with gratitude for what was, what is and what will be.

-May my new year bring good health, positive connection with others and contentment.

-May your new year bring with good health, positive connection with others and contentment.

If you choose to do metta meditations, keep in mind that they are done simply to extend hope for yourself and other to experience life to its fullest and enjoy each moment. For more on metta meditation, click  here.

Article by Kristin Littel. Excerpted/adapted from the Mindful Minute Newsletter 2023.